Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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