don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
