he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
