No awkward lesbian experiences without me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
