So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
