he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
