Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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