Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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