guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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