We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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