Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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