All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
