You made me cry and you don't even care
Plan B is the new Plan A
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
