I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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