I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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