I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize