sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
