Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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