I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
