I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
