Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
