do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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