ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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