Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
