So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
