so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
FUCK WHALES
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