just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You made out with two different species that night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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