So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
