did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
