After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
