i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm both gender and math confused
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
