I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
