I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
