I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
