walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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