Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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