your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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