Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
