I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
