I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
