i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
