The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
