its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
