I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
