I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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