I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize