apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
