I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i now understand why vodka
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
