You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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