i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
