I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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