3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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