Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
