hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
