We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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