R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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