So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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