I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
