The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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