He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
