i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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