I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
