my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
