I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
