Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
