In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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