I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize