somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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