There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
