im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
