i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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