the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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