Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
