happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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